Being Black and Dealing…

In the words of DJay “it’s hard out here for a pimp”.

I’m tired, I’m exhausted and Im scared.

I’m tired of having the color of my skin determine how others view me and I’m tired of having to explain that to privileged people who think that racism doesn’t exist or that everyone has an even playing field. I’m tired of the fact that innocent black people can be murdered by their racist neighbors, random racist out and about and racist cops with little to no repercussion. I’m tired that privileged people think they have the right to tell black people how to react to the systematic oppression that they benefit from.

I’m exhausted at the fact that for 30 years I have had to deal with racism and micro-aggressions at school, work and just being out in society. I’m exhausted when I read someone discount the Black Lives Matter movement with all lives matter. I’m exhausted when I read the stories of injustice that people of color have to endure. I’m exhausted when there’s another viral lynching video being sensationalized and passed around for weeks. I’m exhausted when I see people justifying murders of black people but showing sympathy when it’s a white person. I’m exhausted every time I have to have a probation period for a new friend to see if they are racist or prejudice. I’m exhausted when they prove to be and I have to protect my energy and family from them. That may sound ridiculous to some but until you live in the shoes of a black person you wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t understand that by allowing someone who has racist views into your life whether they are intentional or not… how that can mess with you mentally and how that can spew into your children. You would be exhausted if I went down the list of things I’ve experienced in these three decades and I don’t want my kids to have that same list.

You would be exhausted…

I’m scared that my husband and I have three beautiful boys to think about now. We have to make this world better for them. We are no longer waiting for racist to change. We are not waiting for the system to change. As much as I want these things and for hateful people to change, we can’t sit and wait for it.

…we can’t sit and wait for it.

We are going to build a legacy for our kids. We are going to teach our boys how to defend themselves and we also going to teach them how to be smarter than these villains.

Even with all of that it is scary to think it could still happen. We all know that even with all these teaching and building, it doesn’t guarantee anything. But I do know that if anything were to ever happen to my kids I’m not peacefully doing anything and I would be taking justice, myself.

And in the words of City Girls “And that’s on periodt!”